Questions that Pluck at My Heart Strings

   I'm sure that every pregnant mother, and "expecting" father, have had the questions run through their minds of:                     

                                      "What if our child isn't healthy?"

                                      "What if our child is born with a disability?"

                                      "What if our child has 11 toes?" 

   I have been struggling a little bit with the control part of being an adoptive parent.

 I know that if I had the sweet privilege of caring for a little blessing growing inside of me, I would do everything in my power, to make sure that I was creating the safest, healthiest environment possible for the little bean to grown in. 

                                      That being said, I know you can follow the text book to the "T"

                                      but the Lord may have other plans for our children that
                                      are not always our own. 

                                      The Lord knows our children, and he knows our/their futures.

                                      He knows what personalities to give them and what talents. 

                                      He knows how they will enrich our lives, and how they will test us.

                                      He knows what is Perfect. 

   As we have been working through our paperwork, we got to the section on...hmm...("how to say this")...basically it gives you a 'Check the box if you are willing to adopt a baby with'... and then lists for about 2-3 pages all the things that could possibly happen to a baby while in or out of the womb - many of them due to the choices of the birth mom. I struggled with this in our first adoption knowing that the birth mom was doing things that were harming our baby that was trying to grow inside of her. I knew that God was bigger, but I couldn't help but want to scream at her: "How can you be so selfish to this child, and to us?" "Don't you understand what you are doing to him?!?"

   I can't help but feel a little jealous at times when I see a pregnant woman, or a woman nursing her baby and think: "You don't know how lucky you are". You are your baby's protector. You choose what nourishment your baby will get. As your precious, healthy baby is nursing from your breast, you truly are their Hero. To you mothers reading this who have loved and protected your children. Who have made sure your babies are as healthy as can be, who love your children unconditionally ~ you truly are Heroes. I hold you in such high regard. May the Lord Bless you and your children. 

   Sometimes I struggle with giving this to the Lord, and fully trusting Him to protect our baby even though I know, and I have SEEN his protection. I think that most 'parents to be' worry here and there about the health of their unborn child. I think I would worry from time to time if our child were growing inside of my womb. I have just never faced those questions, written bluntly on paper, and then given a choice on which box to check. It seemed strange, and kind of scary. 

   All this being said: Jesse and I have placed those 3 pages of questions that have plucked at my heart strings in the Lord's hands. We know that he has our child already picked out for us. He knows which birth mom will choose us. We trust his blessings in our life. We have committed our hearts to fully love and protect the child that is chosen for us, No Matter What. 

Lord, I know that you love your children and want the best for us. Lord, I pray and ask your blessings on our baby  wherever he/she is. Lord, you know exactly who our child is - whether or not he/she has even been conceived yet. I pray for your hedge of protection around our child and our child's birth mom. Please give her wisdom to provide a safe, healthy home for our baby to grow in. Please keep mine and Jesse's hearts excited and full of trust, peace, and praise. Lord, I thank your for this journey, and for your blessings.

QUICK UPDATE:

Our training was supposed to be in January sometime, but they have enough families ready to go earlier so we will be heading to Denver November 9-10 for training. I believe that next stage after that will be our Home Study Visits. Those will probably take place sometime after the New Year or early spring. I feel like we are finally rolling along, and it is so exciting!

Thank you all for your support and prayers!

God Bless!